Common misconceptions about lesbianism, according to Pinoy lesbians

by JELLYN GUECO

Colloquially known as “tomboys”’ or “tibo,” lesbians in the Philippines face a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes. While there has been more awareness and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community in recent years, there are still a lot of people who hold on to these untruths about lesbians. This often leads to misunderstandings and even discrimination. As we celebrate Pride Month, we asked Pinoy lesbians about the most common misconceptions they have encountered and what they wish people understood about their community.

Lesbians can’t be feminine

“‘When I first ‘came out’ to colleagues and friends two decades ago, they wouldn’t believe I was a lesbian just because I was feminine. They used to associate being a lesbian with masculinity. Now that I have identified myself as a ‘feminine lesbian’ for so long, they expect me to conform to all things feminine: how I dress and that I should only date masculine lesbians, conforming to heteronormative ways. When I date a femme, they find it hard to wrap their heads around that idea.

I often get questions like, ‘Would I still date a man if my lesbian relationships failed?’ as if being a lesbian is as easy as turning a light switch on and off. Sometimes, I also receive derogatory remarks from insensitive individuals who assume I became a lesbian simply because I hadn’t been with a man. For the record, I’ve dated at least two men before women. And no, my shift to dating women wasn’t fueled by a dislike for the men I’ve dated. —Shao Masula (she/her), project manager at GMA Public Affairs and GMA Pictures

In a lesbian relationship, there must be a ‘man.’

When I was younger, I felt pressured to dress and act more masculine because I thought that if I liked girls, I was supposed to conform to this stereotype. Although it no longer affects me today, this misconception impacted my self-perception and behavior. I believe it’s important for people to understand that while some couples may adhere to traditional gender roles where one partner is more masculine, this is not a standard for all lesbian relationships. People should refrain from asking lesbian couples, ‘Who’s the man in the relationship?’ or ‘Sinong lalake sa inyo?’ because not all lesbian couples will have a ‘man’ in their dynamic. —Leigh Isip Sunga (she/her), model

Lesbians are attracted to every girl they’re with

People often assume I’m romantically involved with every girl I’m seen with. This ignorance frequently leads to discrimination and misjudgment, whether intentional or not. I feel that people often judge me based on my appearance, which has made me very selective about the company I keep. I choose to be friends with those who accept my gender and my choices, surrounding myself with open-minded and accepting individuals. —Apol de Vera (she/ her), chef

Lesbians can be cured

A common misconception about lesbians is that we can be ‘fixed,’ that we can turn straight again. I believe that this undermines our emotions and suggests that who we are is a problem to be solved. I find it incredibly distressing as it disregards my identity and implies I must alter myself to fit in. I wish for others to understand that being a lesbian is not an illness requiring treatment and that our identities are valid and unchangeable. —Gebs (she/her), head stylist

All lesbians want to be a man

Not all lesbians dream of becoming a man. Just because I’m a lesbian or I’m dressed a certain way, it doesn’t automatically mean I want to be addressed as ‘Sir’ or that I’m going to have surgery to get a penis. Some of us are just women who like to be with women. If you’re not certain, ask first before assuming anything because there is a wide spread of identities within the lesbian community. —Juv (she/her), businesswoman

All lesbians act masculine

A common misconception about Pinoy lesbians is that they all act masculine. This stereotype is both harmful and untrue as many of us feel judged based on our appearance rather than our true selves. For me, it’s important to understand that lesbians come in all forms. Not all lesbians have short hair or need to be masculine. There are many kinds of lesbians, each with a unique style and personality. —Kenley Esteves (she/her), fresh graduate