Nearly 1 in 3 married Americans aren't having sex — expert reveals how to bring back the spark

Physical intimacy isn’t a regular occurrence for every married couple in America, research suggests.

Recent data from the General Social Survey, conducted by NORC at the University of Chicago, shows that 32.5% of married adult respondents said they have not had sex “at all” during the last 12 months. Just 4.1% reported that they have sex more than three times a week.

Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist in Massachusetts, told Fox News Digital that although sexual frequency varies by couple, the national standard is about once a week. The expert defined a “sexless marriage” as being physically intimate 10 or fewer times per year.

“You need to find time, you need to be intentional, because unfortunately, we always find time to be on our phones, to play little games, to scroll on social media, but we don’t find time to be with our partners.”

Choosing one night as a “tech-free” night can be a great way to re-connect with your partner, Elton recommended.

Couples struggling with intimacy often have one thing in common, according to Elton’s experience with clients.

When they were asked what they had at the beginning of their relationship that was now missing, the answer was unanimous: fun.

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“If we don’t have fun, what’s the point?” Elton asked. “We need to bring fun back into the relationship.”

The sexologist recommended another exercise — A-to-Z date nights, where couples choose an activity that starts with a different letter of the alphabet for each date.

For example, the letter A might be axe-throwing or an art gallery, while B could be bowling or the beach.

“M is my favorite – movie and massage,” Elton said. “My husband picks a movie; I get a massage. I pick a movie and still get a massage … This definitely helps to bring back that connection, and also novelty brings desire back to couples.”

With fun comes flirting, Elton added, which typically fades as a relationship ages.

“When couples have been together for a long time, I ask them, ‘So, how do you flirt with your partner? How do you let them know about your erotic intentions?’ And they say, ‘Oh, we don’t flirt.’”

Oftentimes, an attempt at flirting gets lost in translation, the expert noted, so creating a “new language of flirting” can help spice up the relationship and spark moments of intimacy.

A lack of self-desire as people age can also get in the way of accepting advances for intimacy from partners.

“With women, [with] changing bodies and aging and stress, sometimes we don’t feel our best and we may think, ‘I don’t know why my partner wants me. I don’t want myself,’” Elton said.

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The expert shared small steps that can help produce the love and bonding hormone oxytocin, boosting connection both personally and between partners.

This includes intimate physical contact with your partner, such as a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss. 

Similarly, small acts of self-care, such as applying lotion or following a skincare routine, can help people “feel more connected with themselves,” according to Elton.