For these adult siblings, living together is an art

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When Mehnaz Tabassum left Bangladesh in 2015 to attend university in Canada, it was with a tearful goodbye and a promise to the siblings she left behind — that one day they'd join her.

Eight years later, she's more than made good on that promise.

Her two younger siblings, Adib Rahman and Fabiha Tarannum followed her to Newfoundland to pursue their own studies within three years, along with family friend Mahmudul Islam Shourov — who they say has become like a brother to them.

When Tabassum got a job in Ottawa in 2021, her adult siblings decided to follow her once again.

Now the family of 20-somethings own a house together in Canada's capital with Tabassum's husband Saif Ahmed.

They also run a non-profit and vacation together.

As they explain in a video for CBC Ottawa's Creator Network — they wouldn't have it any other way.

"Our story is about five individuals with five different personalities who make a choice everyday to merge our lives," Tabassum said.

Choosing to stay together despite the challenges

Growing up, the siblings were close, being only a few years apart in age. But as adults, they found their personalities tended to clash.

"At some point you disagree on certain things [and it takes time] adjusting to each other's [lifestyle]," Rahman said.

Still, Rahman says the family wouldn't change a thing despite the apparent "chaos" of their living arrangements.

"There were moments [when deciding whether or not to move to Ottawa] where we thought we would all go our different directions … but the more we talked about it, the more we realized that our strength is in unity … in being together," he said.

He adds that, to people on the outside looking in, their living situation is often viewed as "wholesome."

For his parents, who still live back in Bangladesh, it's a relief.

"Our parents are very happy we are all together, they really don't have to worry about us being unsafe or going through [hardships] together by ourselves."

Rahman says the concept of extended families or multigenerational families living under one roof isn't uncommon in South Asian culture, but that's not the only thing that contributed to their family's decision.

The rising cost of living and the sense of isolation coming out of the pandemic were other considerations, Rahman says.

"It's very hard right now out there with inflation … and it's gotten more and more common where friends are getting a house together."

For Tarannum, the youngest member of the family and last one to move to Canada, cost was certainly a factor. But knowing she had the support of her family cemented her decision to join them in a new city, despite having to leave a full-time job in Newfoundland with nothing lined up in Ottawa.

"It was a little bit challenging especially with the labour market in Ottawa … but I had their emotional support, as well, and I had a lot of guidance from my sister. So even though it was difficult, I did adjust," she says.

For Shourov, the decision to follow his adopted family was an easy one. Though their parents were longtime friends, he'd actually never met the siblings until coming to Canada. But he says he quickly grew close with Tabassum and her siblings.

"I looked up to [Tabassum and Ahmed] for mentorship because obviously there was a cultural shock here that neither myself nor [Rahman] were really prepared for," he recalls of the pair's early years in Canada.

Tabassum especially, he says, gave "big sister energy" right away, bringing him into the fold and including him in family activities and helping him navigate the challenges of life as an international student.

Following her to Ottawa was a no-brainer. "Some bonds cut deeper than blood," he said.

Fighting food insecurity as a family

Despite their success now, Mehnaz says she and her husband struggled when they first arrived as young international students.

"When me and [Ahmed] moved to Canada we were very reliant on food banks," she recalls.

When the pandemic hit in 2020 and food banks weren't as easily accessible, she wanted to do something to help her community.

• Studying on an empty stomach: Students' food banks report increase in demand | CBC News

• 'No International Students!!' As need grows, Brampton food bank turning some away | CBC News

• With work hours about to be limited again, international students worry about paying the bills | CBC News

That's how the siblings came up with the idea for NL Eats — a non-profit that distributes food hampers, organizes food drives and fights stigma on food insecurity through education.

When they moved to Ottawa in 2021, they decided to expand the non-profit to their new home and recently held an educational session on food insecurity, inflation and food production and sustainability. That's on the side of full-time work in law, the public service, the non-profit sector and at Shopify.

Planning for the future

Next year, Shourov's younger brother plans to follow in his footsteps, heading to Newfoundland for university, before ultimately joining the family in Ottawa.

For now, one roof is enough for them — but they say as their family continues to grow, and the rest of the siblings think about getting married, they plan on buying houses in the same neighbourhood.

Until then, they look forward to seeing where life takes them together.

"We're all kind of growing up together and we're learning to embrace new versions of ourselves," Shourov said.

Rahman likens living together to an art that requires "compromise, understanding and a certain level of trust and openness."

"That's why we call it the art of co-existing."