‘I’m scared’: As hope fades for a hostage deal, a former captive fears for her husband still held in Gaza

Aviva Siegel may be free, but she is still living in agony. The 63-year-old Israeli woman was taken captive from the Kibbutz Kfar Aza during the attacks on Oct. 7 and spent 51 days as a hostage in Gaza.

While she was released and returned to her family during the temporary ceasefire in November, her husband, Keith Siegel, who turns 65 this week, remains a captive.

After the attack on Oct. 7, 253 hostages were taken into Gaza by Hamas and other militant groups and have since been held there and moved around the territory. Since then, 105 hostages have been released, most as part of a November ceasefire deal.

Negotiations to free the hostages appear to have stalled. Mediators have offered a six-week pause, with a prisoner and hostage swap. Hamas has said it will only consider a permanent ceasefire and Israeli withdrawal from Gaza.

During her ordeal, Siegel said she and her husband were moved 13 times and deprived of food and water. She also said she found herself consoling other female hostages who recounted harrowing experiences of being sexually assaulted in other locations.

As her husband approached his 200th day in captivity, Siegel spoke to CBC News earlier this week from her sister's home in Tel Aviv. She said it's imperative that Israel's government, with the help of other world leaders, gets her husband back before it's too late.

It's the first time Siegel has spoken to a Canadian media outlet about her ordeal.

Here are portions of Siegel's conversation with CBC correspondent Chris Brown, which have been condensed and edited for length and clarity. This is her account of what she experienced and has not been independently verified.

Chris Brown: It must be very difficult for you to talk about your husband and what he must be going through. Why are you doing this?

Aviva Siegel: I'm talking for them — for all the hostages. I'm talking for Keith, I'm talking for the girls and I'm talking for everybody there today because they're not here to talk. I was there, and I know what they're going through, and they're going through hell, and they need to come out. I'm very, very worried about Keith.

Can you take me through what happened on Oct. 7?

I belong to a group on WhatsApp on the kibbutz and somebody wrote that there was a noise — and she didn't know what it was — that we had never heard before. That was a "ch-ch-ch-ch-ch." And then two minutes later, somebody wrote that there were terrorists on the kibbutz.

WATCH | A former hostage worries about her husband's fate:

‘We don’t even know if he’s still alive,’ former hostage says of husband held in Gaza

17 hours ago

Duration 0:24

Aviva Siegel, who was freed in late November after being held hostage in Gaza, describes the agony of not knowing what has become of her husband, Keith.

When did you first see the people who were attacking your kibbutz?

They shot the houses. And then we heard the Arabic outside the house. That was very frightening. And then we just heard them walking inside the house and walking next to the room that we were in.And I remember saying to Keith: "They're here. They're walking here just next to the door." They just opened the door like any door opens and they pushed themselves inside. There must have been 15 of them. With guns. With knives. Shouting and screaming.

The terrorists took us in Keith's car. While they took us, they pushed us. They pulled my hair. They threw Keith on the ground and they broke his ribs and they shot around us and they shot Keith.

So they made Keith drive your car into Gaza or they drove your car with you in it?

Yeah, they drove Keith's car with Keith and I sitting at the back with the terrorist with a big knife holding it in front of my face. One with the gun in front and one of the terrorists drove Keith's car.

As you were making that trip, what was going through your mind?

The roads [in Gaza] were full of people standing and screaming "Allahu akbar." Like it was a party for them. We were in complete and utter shock already.

Can you tell me about your captivity in Gaza ?

Keith and I were moved 13 times, so we met lots of terrorists. Each one of them were worse than the other. They were like monsters.

One of the times, they took us down into a tunnel. It was just the three of us. Keith and I and a girl that was with us…. It was nearly completely and utterly dark with no oxygen. They went up and just left us there because there was no oxygen for them, too. There was a bathroom with no water. They didn't bring us water to drink. They didn't bring us food. They just left us there.… I can't explain what that feeling is that you are lying there and you feel that it's going to be your last breath. And that you're going to die.

WATCH | A former hostage recalls being left without food or water:

Former Israeli hostage recounts journey into tunnel in Gaza, being left without food or water

17 hours ago

Duration 0:46

Aviva Siegel, who was taken hostage during the Oct. 7 attack on Israel, describes her captors as 'monsters' and says she was taken into a deep, dark tunnel and left without food and water.

During this time, there is a war going on around you. How did that affect you as a captive?

The first house we arrived in, [some of] the missiles from Gaza were sent out from that house. And I was lying on the mattress and just looking at the ceiling and saying to myself, is it going to fall this time or is it not going to fall and looking at all the cracks in the wall to see if there's more cracks. If this time, they're going to fall on me. And the terrorist just came in and said, "Don't worry, it's us. It's us shooting Israel. Don't worry."

Did you ever come close to being hit by something fired at Gaza by Israel?

We got the feeling that [a missile] might fall on us all the time.

As the weeks have passed since your release, you've spoken more about some of the violence, not just involving yourself but also involving others, including women and including sexual violence. What can you tell me specifically about that?

One of the girls went to the bathroom. And when she came back, I could see that something happened.

What do you mean by that?

That I could see by her face. She was — she didn't look like herself. She just looked like she went through something. She looked scared. And she came into the room and I got up and I gave her a hug.

I gave her a hug knowing that I'm not allowed to hug because we weren't allowed to. We weren't allowed to do anything. We just had to sit or lie down on the mattress and not move…. I didn't know what happened and she was very quiet for a couple of hours. And then she came up to me and she whispered, and she said: "He told me not to say anything, and he said that if I do, he's going to kill me. He touched me."

WATCH | A former hostage says other hostages recounted being sexually assaulted:

Aviva Siegel says fellow hostages in Gaza experienced sexual assault

14 hours ago

Duration 0:47

Aviva Siegel describes what one of the other hostages recounted to her, including being touched and threatened with a gun.

These are horrible stories to have to tell. Why do you think it's important to share what you're sharing now?

I'm their words. I'm here to talk for them. I don't want the girls to go through more. I need — we need to get them out of Gaza as soon as possible.

When did you realize that you would be going home?

They took Keith and I and the girl to a different house and after arriving there, 10 minutes later, somebody came up to me and he said, "You, tomorrow, Israel." And I looked at him and I said I'm not going anywhere without Keith…. And then I said to myself: "You better get up and listen to him."

I went to Keith. He was lying on a mattress on the floor and I gave him a hug. And I told him that I'm going, that [the captor] said that I'm going to Israel and that he has to be strong for me. And I'm going to be strong for him. I don't know where I'm going, but I did know that I'm being separated from Keith. And that was the last time that I saw him. It was nearly five months ago. Keith is still there going through hell.

This past week, Israel has been preoccupied with Iran and other other issues that have not been Hamas or the hostages. How difficult has this period been for you?

Very difficult. It's been very difficult because I just want Keith home and anything that'll happen that won't bring Keith home is very bad for me. And I'm scared.

What is your message to Israel's leaders and others in a position to influence the outcome of these hostage negotiations?

Leaders of the world, you're walking. Start running. You need to run. I'm a human being — I've got a heart. I'm finished. And I can't even think about if I feel like this what Keith feels.

I don't want to think about how Keith is managing all the time without me. Just alone. Thrown in the corner like a rag. Not being able to move. Starving. Thirsty. For more than a half a year. It's not human. People in the world need to understand that we're not just telling stories. I'm sitting here and I'm telling you the truth. And I'm begging the world to believe my truth. Because I was there and Keith's still there.

Aviva, thank you.

There's one other thing I want to say.

Please.

I want a better life for the people that live in Gaza that aren't terrorists. I want them to have food. I want them to have water. I want them to have houses. I want them to live. So I want for them a better life, too, not only for me and my family.