Taylor Swift is now living rent-free inside the broken brains of MAGA conspiracists

When everything is a conspiracy, life must be exhausting for the far right.

Was that a power outage? Or was it the Deep State screwing with the grid to bug our phones? My “Check Engine” light is on? Is it the camshaft or proof the military-industrial complex is jonesing for war with Iran and needs me to conserve gas?

Ikea is slashing prices to ease inflation on customers?

Or is Ikea working with Satan to give human traffickers affordable sofa-beds?

On the far right, up is down, black is white and “truth” is whatever makes libs cry.

It’s why everyone on the far right owns a rubber umbrella. You know, just in case Jewish space lasers financed by George Soros strike as brave patriots are freeing toddlers from blood-guzzling pedophiles in basement lairs under pizzerias that don’t have basements.

The Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol and the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks were “inside jobs.” On the far right, there is always an alternate reality. There is always wiggle room to cast aspersions on the obvious.

Just ask Kellyanne Conway or the MyPillow kook.

The latest conspiracy: Taylor Swift is a psyop and the Super Bowl will be rigged.

To get your head around this one, you need to beat your head with a foam bat.

It started Sunday after the Kansas City Chiefs — and Taylor’s boyfriend Travis Kelce — beat the Baltimore Ravens to advance to the big game. This led conspiracy theorist Jack Posobiec to tweet: “People who don’t understand why I have been commenting on Taylor Swift and Barbie are completely missing the point and NGMI These are mascots for the establishment. High level ops used as info warfare tools of statecraft for the regime.”

Yes. And “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was a CIA plant to promote open borders.

Mr. Posobiec’s hot take boiled other far right voices, including the always sensible Laura Loomer: “The Democrats’ Taylor Swift election interference psyop is happening in the open … It’s not a coincidence that current and former Biden admin officials are propping up Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. They are going to use Taylor Swift as the poster child for their pro-abortion GOTV Campaign.”

Vivek Ramaswamy, the GOP’s aspiring mayor of Crazy Town, entered the chat on Monday: “I wonder who’s going to win the Super Bowl next month. And I wonder if there’s a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped-up couple this fall …”

Dude, the only things artificially propped-up are your hair and political ambition.

But if I understand what these crackpots are suggesting, the NFL will ensure the Chiefs beat the San Francisco 49ers on Feb. 11. How this brazen deceit is pulled off during what is the most watched TV event of the year is unclear. But the NFL must be in cahoots with the evil Biden regime and, quite possibly, the Trilateral Commission. The NFL is hell-bent on turning Taylor’s Pfizer-loving boyfriend into a Super Bowl champ to amplify any presidential endorsement of any candidate who does not rhyme with Monald Gump.

It’s hilarious. Taylor Swift is the most powerful celebrity alive and now she’s living rent-free inside the broken brains of MAGA diehards who have already prepaid for their tombstones to dot the wrong side of history. The far right is now more obsessed with Swift than drag queens or pronouns. I almost wish Taylor and Travis would experiment with a polyamorous relationship and form a throuple with a NASCAR driver or Wanda Sykes.

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s head would explode live on Fox News.

But here’s the part the far-right conspiracists don’t grasp: Taylor doesn’t need her boyfriend to influence politics. She can move needles on her own. She endorsed Biden in 2020. He won. She encouraged her fans to register to vote in the fall. Soon after, Vote.org servers were buckling as 13,000 new users logged in every half-hour.

If she endorsed one of her cats for president, the adorable Benjamin Button would soon be America’s commander-in-chief.

Instead of hatching new conspiracies, isn’t it time the MAGA cultists put on some sad music and contemplated why every sensible person on the planet hates Dear Leader?

Why would Swifties vote for a guy who is facing 91 criminal felonies? Why would they support someone who brags about how he helped overturn a half-century-old law that has suddenly turned women’s bodies into potential crime scenes? Why would they support a grifter who spent his time in office on a golf course, never once improving the lives of young people?

Why would they support a man who was found guilty of sexual assault? Why would they support a narcissist who is hoping the stock market crashes or who takes perverse pleasure when bad things happen to his country?

That’s not a leader — it’s a traitor.

Taylor Swift brings out the best in her fans. Monald Gump brings out the worst in his. Just tally the lies MAGA voluntarily stews inside every day. The election was stolen! Joe Biden died in 1998! Matt Gaetz is not a creepy psychopath! Russia is great! Ukraine is evil! Bud Light makes you trans! Bill Gates is using the DNA of the vaccinated to create hybrid cacti that will depopulate the planet with directives from the Illuminati relayed via 5G!

How could the Swifties ever support MAGA? They can’t. They never will.

And this fixed reality is making the far right even crazier than usual.