Why it’s time to end the pointless and dangerous charade of daylight saving time

It’s a timeless debate: why must we change our clocks twice a year?

Depending on the length of acceptance speeches at the Oscars, we may lose more than an hour on Sunday. But we will definitely lose at least one hour to daylight saving time.

Spring forward, fall back,blah blah blah. It makes no sense in 2024.

What am I missing? All I know for sure is it’s unsettling to read about the health risks of DST, to use its rapper name. A survey this week found 50 per cent of Canadians experience “disruption to their sleep schedule when the clocks move forward for daylight saving time causing stress, confusion and silly mistakes, with over 50% needing over a week to cope with the loss of an hour of sleep.”

Wow. In other words: DST is a silly mistake we should stop making.

I should point out the survey was sponsored by Sleep Country. That does not invalidate the findings. All I’m saying is if a survey revealed positive health benefits of tax season, I’d scribble a mental asterisk if that research was commissioned by H&R Block.

But past studies have shown a link between DST and VBT – Very Bad Things.

According to heart.org – I have eclectic bookmarks – a Finnish study found the risk of strokes increases by eight per cent in the first 48 hours of DST. One American study found heart attacks spike by 24 per cent on the Monday after DST.

A sleep expert was quoted: “If you look under the car hood, you see lots of belts and gears and pistons and all sorts of parts that have their own rhythms, but which are related to each other. The body has lots of similar rhythms, so anything from the rhythm of your blood pressure, to the rhythm of your body temperature, your hormones, how you metabolize blood sugar or consolidate memories. All of these systems are within the same body and many are at least indirectly related to each other.”

Speaking of cars, the biannual clock change is linked to an increase in accidents and pedestrian fatalities. Depression. Digestive problems. Cognitive ailments. DST is an invisible health nightmare. No wonder a casket company, in collaboration with Ryan Reynolds, is now trying to “Bury Daylight Savings.”

It is time to end this pointless and dangerous charade.

DST is basically an STD that infects our clocks and circadian rhythms.

What are the benefits of continuing this literal time-waster? One argument is DST helps “conserve energy.” How? Think of an average household today compared to 1908 when the first city in the world to enact DST, according to Wikipedia, was Port Arthur in this great province.

I use more energy in one hour than entire blocks did a century ago.

Any other benefits? Well, it’s a good reminder to change the batteries in your smoke alarm. Modern fire detection gadgets tell you when they are running low on power. I’m surrounded by devices that are chattier than a Kardashian on amphetamines.

Every so often, Alexa blurts out something as I’m quietly reading on the couch. It’s creepy. I didn’t say boo and she’s suddenly rambling about igneous rocks.

There is no reason for DST. We have electricity. We are not trying to ration resources during a world war. An enduring myth is DST was launched to help farmers. Please. The farmers hated DST more than anyone. The last thing you need is to lose an hour as you are rushing wilting lettuce to market.

You’re grasping at straws and clock hands, DST enthusiasts. You’ve got nothing. We are changing time twice a year like automatons and, in the process, screwing around with cardiovascular outcomes and crime rates?

The only saving grace is that most of our devices now spring forward or fall back on their own. Back in the day, my poor dad would wander room to room, muttering as he fiddled with dials on the back of analogue timepieces.

And, yet, he was always late or early for work on the Monday.

I agree with the casket company. It is time to deep-six this outdated ritual.

I hate when the universe is even-steven. That’s all this time change is: Here’s an extra hour in the fall. Now it’s spring and we are confiscating that extra hour.Even-steven. Making a few bucks on a scratch-off lottery ticket is cancelled out if you get a speeding ticket the same day.

Don’t give me sunshine and rain as I wait for the bus.

If I ruled the world, I would give all of you an extra night of sleep every month.

That’s right. On the last Sunday of every month, set your clocks back eight hours. Then when your eyelids flutter open at 9 a.m., it’s really 1 a.m. Close those eyes, friend. Enjoy a bonus seven-hour nap before spending a leisurely hour making French toast with mixed berries.

Or use those extra hours to come over and help repair my shed? Up to you.

Civilization is predicated upon change. Our milk is no longer delivered. We no longer memorize phone numbers. Streaming killed appointment television. We used to admire politicians and now we count down the days until the useless bums are kicked out of office. So why are we mindlessly jumping through hoops and changing our clocks twice a year? Why aren’t we ditching this futile habit?

The world is burning. And there is no time to lose an hour on Sunday.