Are you a young man? Love a loud car? You may be a psychopath. Here’s why

York Regional Police recently announced, “Operation Silent Night.”

The crackdown is not related to Christmas carols, though anyone listening to Tiny Tim’s “Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year” should be locked up for life.

“Operation Silent Night” targets “unauthorized car rallies.” You know, like the street racing scenes in the “Fast & Furious” movies. But instead of Vin Diesel or Ludacris, it’s youngsters who meet in a public space to red-line engines, do doughnuts, admire aftermarket mutations and engage in F1 cosplay.

So new fines for car rallies will now range from $1,000 to $10,000.

But let’s discuss an unrelated but sort of related headline this week. Per the CBC: “Who likes loud cars? Ontario study suggests they skew young, male and score high on psychopathy and sadism.”

The pilot study was originally published in the journal Current Issues in Personality Psychology. The researcher is Julie Aitken Schermer, a professor at Western. Her work is interesting because, as far as I can tell, no one has previously correlated modified mufflers with dark personality traits.

Wouldn’t it be weird if researchers one day found a link between tinted windows and identity theft? Are gearheads who splurge $5,000 on spoke hubcaps more or less likely to have a Drake altar in their bedrooms?

Let me be clear: I am not questioning the professor’s conclusions. But having taken a few stats courses, I might encourage her to expand the sample size beyond 529 undergraduate business students. And expand the methodology.

When I was in university, if a researcher asked if my car was an extension of myself — a question in the study — I would have answered, “Yes.”

When you are in university, everything is an extension of who you are. Your identity is what you wear, your hairstyle, what you eat, your friends, what you listen to, your shoes, the books you read, the sports teams you cheer on and, yes, your ride.

Then you get old and your identity is joint pain. My elbow is killing me today.

My point? Can we give our young men a break already?

We’ve spent the past few years insisting they are “problematic.” Toxic masculinity. Mansplaining. Alpha Male. White Knight Syndrome. Manspreading. Young man? I see you. Now kill the engine so I can hear you. I will defend your right to fantasize about one day owning a Corvette Stingray.

A booming exhaust does not make you a serial killer.

(Although, if you could turn down the thumping bass as you speed past my house at 2 a.m., that would be grand. The kids are sleeping.)

Here’s an idea: associating “loud with cool” could just be an automotive phase. Like everything else in life, cars are transitional based on domestic situation. This is why a father of six is never in the market for a Miata — unless he’s planning to abandon his family.

College kids do not scroll AutoTrader in search of a sweet Sienna.

In my life, I have gone from turbochargers to two-door sport coupes with manual transmissions to fuel-efficient sedans to minivans to boring SUVs. Now, if Bugatti offered to loan me a Chiron, would I refuse due to engine roar or fear someone might suspect I’m a sadistic psychopath? No. I’d buy my wife earplugs and tell her to hang on for dear life as we hit Mach3 on our way to Costco.

You know what’s fantastic about the internal combustion engine? You are aware of its presence, especially as a pedestrian. This has happened a few times now. I am walking in a grocery store parking lot and an electric vehicle zips past my side in almost total silence.

It’s creepy to realize a car can now sneak up on you from behind.

I will never get hit by a runaway shopping cart. Why? I CAN HEAR IT COMING!

We can all agree “unauthorized car rallies” are bad. I think we can also agree noise pollution is a problem. Though we are better off than other parts of the world. Cities such as Dhaka, Moradabad, Islamabad and Ho Chi Minh City have registered ambient daytime readings over 100 decibels. The road noise makes it feel like you are living inside a blow dryer that is getting crushed by a jackhammer during a Taylor Swift concert.

Meanwhile, a 2016 Toronto Public Health study pegged our noise levels between 50.4 and 78.3. Not great, not bad.

What’s bad is generalizing the results of a pilot study and concluding a young man who monkeys with a muffler may one day torture kittens.

Ted Bundy drove a VW Beetle.

Our young men, even the speed demons, are not Ted Bundy.