Taylor Swift’s music can save your life? A new report says … yes

Taylor Swift rules the universe — but can her music save lives?

Let me ask you something. Is it possible Ms. Swift was cloned in a top-secret government lab by Nashville geneticists blasting the Dixie Chicks? How can Taylor be just one person? Did she pay Bob Lazar to teach her about antigravity and the space-time continuum so she could eventually cram a lifetime of human accomplishment into every single day?

Taylor was Spotify’s most-streamed artist of 2023. Her songs were played 26 billion times this year. If my math is right, that is the equivalent of every Canadian listening to 684.21 Taylor songs since January 1. Our ears are now basically Swiftie receptors.

According to Deadline, her concert film, “Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour,” has earned more than $250 million. The gate receipts from her live performances surpassed $4 billion this year. At $100 million, her Spotify earnings are practically chump change.

And these 2023 earnings do not even include merch or her other capitalist hobbies.

We should take bets on what Taylor buys Travis Kelce for Christmas.

Superyacht? Private jet? New Zealand?

In addition to dominating pop culture, Swift’s music is burning up another chart: the American Heart Association’s CPR playlist. Or as CNN reported this week: “‘You’re Losing Me’ by Taylor Swift can apparently save your life.”

The AHA says songs with a tempo of 100 to 120 beats per minute are ideal to synchronize chest compressions. The health organization’s “Don’t Drop The Beat” playlist was updated this week. It now has 95 tracks ideally suited for cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

This is why music is so great. Shakespeare can’t help with the Heimlich.

Other CPR-approved songs by Swift include “Sparks Fly (Taylor’s Version),” “Clean (Taylor’s Version),” “Welcome To New York (Taylor’s Version),” “Love Story (Taylor’s Version),” “Enchanted (Taylor’s Version),” “mirrorball,” “22 (Taylor’s Version)” and “Fearless (Taylor’s Version).” That is an impressive, life-saving catalogue.

Just to be clear, if you spot someone having a medical emergency, do not call a DJ or search for those Beats headphones. As the AHA points out: “If you see a teen or adult suddenly collapse, call 911 and push hard and fast in the centre of the chest to the beat of any tune that is 100 to 120 beats per minute, such as the classic disco song ‘Stayin’ Alive.’”

That Bee Gees earworm has the bonus of a karmic title when you are literally trying to help someone stay alive. The same can’t be said for Track 94 on the “Don’t Drop The Beat” playlist, which is Europe’s “The Final Countdown.”

Luckily, both “Stairway to Heaven” and “Another One Bites the Dust” have a BPM of less than 120. You want to go with Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” or Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever.” You want to perform chest compressions at a beat closer to “Empire State” than “State of Tranquility.” Avoid Debussy and Dire Straits’ “Brothers in Arms.”

OK. If a song can help save a life, that is music to our ears and souls.

But all of this raises a bigger issue: why is CPR training not mandatory for everyone?

I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions. But for reasons I won’t bore you with, I’m going to take a CPR course in 2024. If nothing else, maybe I will recognize the signs of a possible heart attack, as when I doubled over this week after Ryan Reynolds shared a doctored photo of Taylor Swift and his spouse Blake Lively.

Taylor and Blake’s faces were Photoshopped with the faces of Ryan and Travis.

It’s a hilariously disturbing image that can’t be unseen.

CPR is like changing a flat tire. You never think about it until you need to do it. As the AHA points out: “Most people who experience cardiac arrest at home, work or in a public location die because they don’t receive immediate CPR from someone on the scene.”

The ultimate blueprint in life is knowing what to do in any given situation.

When I see a red light, I put my foot on the brake. When we run out of milk, I go to the store. When my smoke alarm emits a short beep, I change the batteries. When my daughters ask me to watch “Descendants,” I weep on the inside. When my wife tells me to rake the leaves, I cry on the outside. These are situational responses.

But if I’m at Home Depot and someone collapses in my aisle, how would I respond?

I think Canada should become the first country in the world to make CPR and first aid training compulsory for all adults. We already pay hefty taxes. Figure out a way to create a national program in which this critical know-how is free, extensive and mandatory.

This should not be difficult. If we can rollout vaccines at scale, we can help every Canadian learn CPR. Our health care system is buckling under the strain. Imagine the massive social benefits if every citizen could stand in until the first responders arrive.

Knowledge is power. Ignorance is the enemy of civilization.

And if Taylor Swift’s music can help save lives, that is her greatest accomplishment yet.